We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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