Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
