woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
