you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
