I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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