He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
