I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
