I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
