Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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