i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize