Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
