They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
