We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
