two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
