But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
