There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
