Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
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Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
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I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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