I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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