If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
this beer tastes like vomit already
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
