all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My dick has a subreddit
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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