Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
