Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
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We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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