She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
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I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
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Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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