we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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