Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
