i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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