U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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