so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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