Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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