god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
