All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
