never play flip cup with pint glasses
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
