I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
