Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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