hotel room ftw
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
you had me at cake vodka
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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