Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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