Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
