I met the friendliest cop last night
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
