it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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