She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
vagina is talking i cant
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
