she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
