here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
