note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
