I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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