Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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