Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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