She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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