I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
