Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
