officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
