You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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