So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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