when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
