Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
