It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
