He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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