I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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