Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
