Dude my mom stole all your condoms
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Randomize
