It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
