D3 body, D1 cock
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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