remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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