youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
