Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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