Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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