theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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