I just made out with a guy for $7.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
