Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
