I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
