Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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