Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
