Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You pole danced in your parka.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
