he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
