It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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